Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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