oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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