I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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