I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize