She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
