So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
