Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
