This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
not ubering you a puppy
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize