Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
