My nipple is on Facebook.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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