Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
