Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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