Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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