he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
