Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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