you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Is Oprah even human
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
