are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
