I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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