You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Can you bring me the toilet please
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Randomize
