Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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