I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
