I'm laying in your front yard are you home
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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