okay pat passed out under dana's car
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
