There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
