Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
