We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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