Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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