i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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