Me too!
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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