Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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