The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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