My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
