Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
