absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
