soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
