Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
