if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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