I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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