Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
