Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
