he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
