honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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