I faked an abortion last night.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
