Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
