He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
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