dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
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