Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
if only i could text you this smell
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
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