So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
