Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
