: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
