We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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