you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
bring money and cleavage
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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