I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
well I can't set my house on fire every night
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
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