you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
