I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
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