If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
