they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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