yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
