take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
