So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Everything about him screamed your future.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
