Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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