Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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