Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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